Mui-interview of those days
summary page of interviews
Anita Mui revealed her loneliness after retiring from stage
Hong Kong Weekly
Anita Mui March 12, 1992
Anita Mui has been interviewed for many times since she started her career. She is so straight -forward in all her interviews. But the article in [Hong Kong Weekly] was the most straight forward one, because it was written by herself. She herself revealed directly things happened around her and her relationship with people including relatives, friends and lovers.
[Hong Kong Weekly] asked me to write about myself, at first I didn't know what to say, also I was afraid that I could not write well. Then I found that I had time, so might as well I wrote it.
When I started, I really didn't know how to start. Contemplating for a long time, I decided to write my life after I retired from stage.
Many people asked me, after I left the stage, if I have more time, and can do more my own things, even having night life all the time. If you think in that way, you are totally wrong. In fact, I have more time now, but I don't do anything. Since the concert, I have stayed at home most of the time, seldom go out, and no night life. Do you know what I do at home? Sometimes, I would sleep, sometimes, I don't do anything, hanging around in the sitting room for half a day. You might not believe me, but this is the fact. Therefore if you want me to describe how I spent the 2 months, I tell you just like that, don't know what to do. Maybe it is because I have had such a break for a long time, so I don't know how to kill time. But, recently I begin to woke up, my soul came back, now I'm planning what I should do.
Some fans asked me, would I go back to school to study? I don't think so, as I'm growing older, my memory is getting worse, school life doesn't suit me. However, I normally read many translated foreign story books, also the English teaching books by Josephine Siu and Lau Kar Kit. I try to enhance myself. I didn't have too much schooling, I wanted to study before but no time. Now I will take this opportunity to read more and increase my knowledge. I read all kinds of books, science fictions, love stories, short stories. Ip Shu is more self centred, big woman; Yam Sum more general; King Yau comparatively sad script.
Actually, besides reading, I like to learn calligraphy most. I feel calligraphy can help a person in acquiring peace. Working in entertainment circle, our mood can't be too stable, sometimes we have to calm down from the excited and complicated sentiment, trying to have patience. Also it can be my spiritual food. If your handwriting is beautiful, other people would respect you more. this is how I feel personally.
Maybe you would ask me, will Anita Mui be contented with a simple life? In the past, I would not. Though it is a bit boring, I like the tranquility, very peaceful. Even it is not really entirely simple normal life, but I can try to enjoy loneliness. Actually it is very difficult to understand, I'm still doing research on that. Friends around me all wonder how can the change in my life come so quickly? I think this is because the state of attitude, they still believe there will be big ups and downs in my emotions , they don't believe I can be in a stable condition. But, right now I'm just like that. Tell you frankly, when I don't have to work, I'm not different from normal people. I'm just like you and anyone. Only because I appear on the screen, so I have another identity, and people will notice me easily, whatever we do, even friends around us, especially people of opposite sex. Actually every time when I was dating, I was under great pressure, that is why I never have too much expectation for my love life, but it doesn't mean I don't treasure all the relationship. From a practical point of view, no expectation, then there will be no disappointment.
Many people care about my relationship with Ben Lam. If you ask me if I have confidence in this relationship, I will say 50-50, not because I don't sink my teeth into it, but I don't like to demand too much on purpose, let everything go natural.
Every time when I'm dating, people would think it won't have a good ending. I don't really care what they say. But to be honest, I like Ah Ben because he is very true and reliable. Nothing special about him, not really talented. He is reliable that makes me feel very secured, I believe he never has lied to me. I'm very sensitive, if the other party lies to me, I will know it easily. I realized that my previous boyfriend lied to me, so I would finish that relationship, as I don't like my life afterwards full of tears.
Many people feel that Ah Ben is under more pressure than I am, because I am more successful in my career. At first, he really didn't feel comfortable about it, but now he is used to it, and he doesn't feel inferior as you think. In fact, I have been regarded as a successful career woman for many years already, now I long for a family. Before marriage, woman wants to have a career, so life will be more colorful. But if meeting someone who is suitable to be my life companion, I'm willing to give up career life, and be a good wife and mother. Maybe you don't know, I like kids very much, I took care of kids for my neighbors when I was in my teens; once I saw a child slipped when walking down the steep road, in order to protect him, I hurt my own arm. If I have my own children in the future, I definitely will love them very much. I don't mind having a simple life; because being simpler, I will be happier too.
In the past, I regard "love" as high up there and unreachable. In the past 5 romances, the one impressed me most was when I was 21, it gave me a very pure and true feeling, maybe it was because I was in love with a foreigner. It didn't happen in Hong Kong, no pressure, so I was more involved.
But, as growing up, attitude towards romance already changed, and I won't have the feeling of a young girl anymore. However, I strongly believe fate for marriage is determined by heaven. Besides that, I can almost control every thing myself.
I say "almost" is because there are something beyond my control ----- my family members. Family is still a very heavy burden for me, but I never thought I was even betrayed by my family member. The betrayal by my brother is a very heavy blow to me, it will affect my life. If I am betrayed by my friends, I will regard myself as with no eye. But he is my brother, my own relative, I have no choice. I don't understand, we all have a pair of hands, a pair of feet, how can he do that. He doesn't do anything, but waiting for me to support him. Originally it is quite normal to take care of the family, but all have grown up, and all should have capability to make a living. It is not fair to me, why is it like this?
I know many people want me to die, some foretold that I will be in very sad condition during my old age. In the past when I heard all these, I felt very unhappy. but now I won't feel unhappy, instead I would thank them; because you want to see my ending like that? I won't let you see it, I will try very hard to prove to those people that they are wrong.
During recent years, I do a lot of charities. Also I asked myself if I have any weakness in my character. I am very cooperative with media people. In private, I'm loyal to friends, never say bad things about them. Of course, who doesn't gossip about other people, but depends on how serious. My private life is very conscientious, I'm very good to friends. If people still want to say that about me, let them do so. Anyway, whatever they say can't control my fate, only I can control my own fate.
Within these few days, I already started working, acting in [Justice my Foot]. Since I finished [Savior my Soul], I haven't worked for any film for more than 4 months. Now I start to work for a film, I 'm not used to it, seems that I couldn't concentrate. After I quit stage, I will mainly work for films. But I won't work like before. Once for a film, I didn't sleep for 3 nights and 3 days in a row. At that time I was still full of energy. But I won't do that anymore, not worth doing like that for health. Now I will only work for one film one day, and can't work more than 8 hours per day; physically I can't cope anymore, really too tired! Also I suffer from insomnia most of the time, I often rely on sleeping pills, but not effective all the time. In average I only have 5 hours sound sleep. I wake up easily. My mother said that is because I'm busy for family. Not so good, I hope in future I don't have to be busy for my family.